With the intention of creating my new program, RELATIONSHIFT For Men, I have been inter-viewing tons of men over the last month. The men I have been speaking with are not “players” “haters” or completely “shut down”. Rather, they are either already in a committed partner-ship or they sincerely want to find “the right one”.
I am researching where men are at with regards to their desires and experience with women. Some of you readers may know I have a true passion for helping others to regain confidence, attract more love, and experience deeper, more fulfilling relationships with others. My rather unique intervention or assistance for all of this is found in my ghost-written messages or what I refer to as Inspired Heart Letters. For over the last 15 years, I have helped hundreds of people to positively shift the dynamics of any relationship challenge. And when I ghost write a client’s message to a loved one or even a business connection, the messages I compose are quite powerful since I am able to move passed someone’s ego, history, wound, or emotional imprints in order to create a truly compelling perspective or message that inspires amazing re-sults.
You may be interested to know, regarding my discussions with men, just what has been re-vealed so far …
A substantial number of men I interviewed, complained or alluded to their sense of insecurity or even paranoia regarding conversations or interactions with women. Overall, many seem to be-lieve that they-themselves are in a sense, “victimized”, as the majority of inappropriate verbal and/or aggressive acts reported by more recent “Me Too” complaints, are caused by a minority and not the majority of men. As more women have climbed the corporate ladder or are holding more prestigious or authoritative positions in the workforce, many of the men I inter-viewed concurred that the “rules of engagement” have had to change. In other words, through my inquiry with random men, I was informed that commonly, men in business speak “off the cuff” and may even make derogatory, belittling, or inappropriate remarks to one anoth-er—man to man. In this “Boys Club” mentality, there was a “no harm, no foul” underlying un-derstanding of this competitive banter between businessmen. However, now , for the most part, there is a different tone altogether. Men are watching their Ps and Qs. This carries through to the dating world as well. Sometimes , it seems, to the point where men are reticent and will not approach a woman in a social setting, ask for a phone number, a future date, or are more mindful of their rapport. In essence, the sexy flirtatiousness of a man toward an attractive woman, may be dampened by a more deliberate caution.
On the other hand, many of the men I spoke with shared questions or concerns regarding just what are the dating protocols today. In other words, they seem somewhat intimidated regard-ing how to actually court a woman… such as, “Will I offend her if I open the door for her; pull out her chair; pay for dinner; call her too often; ask for a kiss…?”
Other men I spoke with, who truly wish to have a positive, loving connection with their significant other, have mentioned how they often feel confused or not sure just how to “show up” in order to please the woman in their life. Some men reported feeling financially abused or used by women. These men in particular, sounded as though they are already soured on the notion of finding true love. And some men reported they simply could not read their significant other’s communication whether verbally or emotionally conveyed.
Some men reported upon how their wife or partner could not seem to ever let go of the past. Whenever there was any sort of conflict or friction, then unfortunately, (whatever painful or re-grettable story), the blame and shame from old historical drama was essentially thrown back in their face. Most often, men in relationships, complained that their sex-life and physical contact with their beloved was diminished over time.
On that note, I would like to offer some advice or incentives for positive change …
First, I do need to comment upon my personal perspective on the ME TOO movement. While I contend my life purpose is in supportive service to others, … men, women, and children, it is true that there has been an abuse of power and over time, women have been discounted, shamed, and victimized in all ways … physically, emotionally, sexually, and mentally. Not by all or even most men, but when it happens, it is devastating on so many levels. We are in a time, whereby society is sorting it all out. Yes, the wound is gaping in some cases, and hopefully healing in most. I believe it is truly a time where Men can rise to their magnificence and to their power and join with Women also supporting their feminine power. Personally, I happened to be blessed with enjoying nearly as many dear male friends as dear female friends. And true friendship alone, is quite a blessing.
Ultimately, my message to you, Dear Reader, is to please hang in there, even through these current politically tumultuous times. Honor yourself. Show up with integrity, and of course, treat others just as you wish to be treated.
Let go of the past drama/trauma and consider it in a new light. In other words, be actually grateful for the pain as you move through it onto higher ground. Take stalk of the lessons learned. You see, we learn the most about ourselves through our experiences or relationships with others. When resentment sets in … you find it first in the bedroom.
Most importantly, affirm your relationship with yourself! Are you the same sort of person that you would ultimately enjoy being in a relationship with? Do you treat others as you wish to be treated? And, have you checked in with your past patterns regarding relationship success? What stories have you come to believe? What else could be possible or what are you open to experience?
Everyone has an opportunity to choose. What is your experience? Heaven or Hell? Well, I urge you to choose the following redundant as it may seem … Forgive yourself and others; Accept all that you cannot change; Love unconditionally; and Love yourself enough to set and maintain healthy boundaries. You do not have to give up you or who you are to be loved by someone else. Just imagine if everyone were to live with wholesome values and integrity, and was able to forsake drama for peace … what would the world be like? How would your rela-tionships enfold? My dream is that men and women will learn to embrace one another for their differences, for their gifts and for the magic that can occur when two hearts join in purity, re-spect, and honor. In other words… If we could all just be really who we truly are, and revel in our own divinity, then believe … all is possible. No need for power struggle or drama. No need for just having to “be right”.
Communication is key for bridging the gap and finding the type of zest, passion, comfort, and ultimate peace with another. Let me know if I can help www.inspiredheartletters.com. Know that Kindness and Love are the Colors of Your Heart.
By Kristine Grant
Find her new book on Amazon: Relationshift -The Right Words for What You Really Want to Say — Kristine is a sought after and passionate ghost-writer of compelling letters that address any matter of the heart.